I keep having these lousy dreams. For quite awhile now, but this past month or so nearly every night. Upon waking I force myself not to think about them so I hardly ever remember details, but they all go about the same. Sometimes I’m with a close friend, most of the time I’m at a party, and somebody I’ve been attracted to for a very long time is there. The individual changes, but almost half the time it’s the same person. Everybody’s having a really nice time, and this person appears to be flirting with me. Then, I flirt back, or I try to kiss them, and they’re extremely distressed and repulsed by it. Everybody hates me for hurting this person and ruining the party. Sometimes I don’t even respond but he just teases me somehow or makes a point to leave with somebody I’m particularly jealous of. Sometimes I get so far as sexual contact before he reveals it’s a joke of some kind and he’s succeeded in violating my trust and thinks it’s cool. I just want to kiss their faces and they think it’s funny and gross I guess. It’s starting to get old, waking up already feeling pretty shitty about myself. I probably need to see my counselor. Other dreams I keep having include an infestation of roaches or ants in a conspicuous and embarrassing place, and people pointing out body odor I can’t detect, much to my horror and confusion. That last one has happened like five times recently and it usually involves somebody breaking down and admitting I’ve smelled terrible as long as they’ve known me.
I wish I still had nightmares about dinosaurs chasing me.
A rat king is a rare phenomenon arising in rats where a number of rats become intertwined at the tails. The museum Mauritianum in Altenburg (Thuringia) shows the largest well-known mummified rat king, which was found in 1828, consisting of 32 rats. They were seen as extremely bad omens, particularly associated with plagues. Such events also occurred, since rat kings arise only if too many rats exist, for example the Black Death, which is spread by rat fleas.
Oh, and now that I understand it to be economically feasible, I really really need to be living on my own. I seem to get unreasonably stressed just having people in the house and knowing there’s nowhere for me to escape. I’ll deal with this eventually but for now I need to concentrate on things like school and acquiring currency and not spend all of my energy just trying to feel okay about something that’s easy for pretty much everyone else.